Tips On Dealing With Domestic Violence And Abuse
Identifying emotional abuse can be challenging at times. Even more so when a lot of factors are involved, such as in a married relationship with a mortgage, children, shared plans, history, habits, and other considerations. And you would probably respond with one of two things if someone suggested your spouse might be emotionally abusive: “That’s not true; you don’t know him; he’s actually a very sweet and sensitive guy” or “That’s just the way we talk to each other; that’s how it’s been since the beginning.” And you would most likely be half correct.
It’s true that someone who abuses others emotionally is frequently sensitive, but mainly to what they see as harm to themselves. And when they want to, they really do have a lot of sweetness and kindness. Furthermore, it’s likely that your relationship’s dynamics were predetermined from the beginning. Consciously or unconsciously, you may have even selected one another based on it. Because of all of this, it can be very challenging for someone to acknowledge to themselves that they may be in an abusive marriage. You might never look your husband in the eye if you combine this with the fact that he isn’t physically abusing you.
The explanations behind
People tend to stay in abusive marriages for two main reasons: psychological and practical. However, a lot of psychologists think that the first set of explanations also just represents an unconscious attempt to avoid confronting our fears. This is not to argue that any one of those reasons is a good one, let alone all of them. For example, a lot of married women who have experienced abuse frequently find themselves in the position of being unemployed stay-at-home mothers who would have significant challenges
if they were to leave their abusive husband since they and their kids rely on him for financial support and a place to live. And it makes perfect sense to think this way. However, a lot of women are far stronger and more independent than that. Even though they would undoubtedly find it difficult to manage everything, they unintentionally use this as a justification for avoiding the chaos of divorcing an abuser. In a similar vein, a lot of people feel pressured by their cultural or religious convictions to remain married, no matter what. They act accordingly, even if it puts them and their kids in danger. Additionally, it’s typical for people to offer “practical” justifications for staying married, such as the need to raise children. Psychotherapists, however, frequently contend that the poisonous atmosphere of an emotionally abusive marriage can be far worse than a civil divorce. All of these factors make it reasonable to question whether a person should continue living with an emotionally abusive spouse, but they also frequently act as a barrier against the terrifying thought of leaving the hurtful but well-known world of love and hurt.
fascinating abuse cycle
The compelling cycle of abuse is the second, more obvious, but also more challenging to overcome set of factors for staying in an emotionally abusive marriage. In any type of abusive relationship, the same pattern is evident, and it seldom goes away on its own since it too frequently represents the fundamental nature of the partnership. To put it simply, the cycle, which alternates between abusive and “honey moon” periods, frequently proves to be an insurmountable obstacle. The trick lies not only in the victim’s attachment to the abuser but also in their insecurity.It is extremely difficult for victims of emotional abuse to break free from the constant dehumanizing messages they hear, as well as from feelings of shame and self-blame.
The same idea holds true for physical abuse as well, but it is much simpler to confirm that abuse is occurring in this case. When someone is emotionally abused, they usually feel that they are to blame for the abuse they receive. They put up with it in the hopes that the abuser will change and become more compassionate and gentle. And when that time comes, the victim ignores any reservations from the abuse phase and simultaneously wishes for it to endure forever, which it never does. She will have even more reason to believe in her “sweet and sensitive” spouse, and the cycle can start afresh.
Concluding remarks
We’re not in favor of divorcing at the first hint of conflict. Marriages may be repaired, and many couples have succeeded in ending the pattern of emotionally abusive interactions and moving forward as a partnership. However, if your marriage is of this type, you may require the assistance of a therapist who can help you and your family through the healing process. Alternatively, a therapist could be able to assist you in exploring the reasons behind your decision to remain in this marriage and help you come to a self-determined conclusion on whether it would be better for both parties to end the relationship.